MoT #3: Fellowship, Variety, & Communication

In my experience, 99.99999% of Toastmasters are well-behaved at their club. While there may be a loss of decorum here and there, almost all of the time people try to get along. What do you do when either these problem issues or problem people show up in your club?

If you don't deal with these up front and in a good way, there's often an element of negativity that will take root in the club the longer it goes unaddressed (or addressed poorly). It also needs to be said that every situation like this has its subtleties; take this content as advice, but be prepared to adjust as needed. It's my sincere hope you never have to use the advice in this chapter.

The best programs for dealing with this are Crucial Conversations and Crucial Accountability. However, these take some time to study and put into practice (although they are certainly valuable toolkits), so you'll get more immediately usable tips here. 

Start by assessing the situation. Is this a one-off thing? Is it recurring behavior? Is it bothering you, other people, or multiple people? What's the severity? This is not to minimize the situation, but only objectively address it. 

Get clear on the offending behavior and its effects. For example, if someone often interrupts, this can demonstrate a lack of respect and make the speaker currently in control feel like they don't know what they are doing, or otherwise disempowered. However, consider the content of the interruption - is it someone who reminds the Toastmaster or otherwise of the need for a timer's report before the next segment, or is it someone who tries interjecting their two cents on a speaker when not called upon to do so? The former is a good interruption, the latter much less so.

Next, consider what the end goal is, and then you can work from either direction to determine a plan. If the goal is to stop unwanted interruptions as in the above, you may start with the goal of reducing the number and frequency of interruptions, with the goal of working toward zero. 

Confronting an individual should be done privately. If there is someone in the club that is close to the offender, if they see the behavior and the harm it is causing, they may be an better option to talk to them. This may elicit less defensiveness. If there's a negative behavior that seems to be spreading, it may be a candidate for the General Evaluator to point out instead. 

If you aren't an officer, you may want to raise the issue to your VPM (unless it's the VPM you're having a problem with, of course). If you're an officer and don't know what to do or don't feel comfortable handling it, your area director may be able to help.

If all else fails, there is the "nuclear option" of voting a member out, but this should definitely be a (very) last resort. If the vote fails, it may cause even greater issues. Most conflicts and behaviors only need some dialogue and coaching to work through, but they need to be acted on quickly so toxicity doesn't spread.

If you have more serious problems (criminality, for example), go to your area director immediately.